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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If anyone reading this lives in or near Eugene, you may have heard a very loud screech coming from the general direction of the DMV.
That would be me.
For those of you following my neverending quest to get a driver's license (I think I might give up and go find the Holy Grail instead, it's gotta be easier than this, and you don't have to deal with so many goddamn fuckheads!), a brief summary:
Timeline of Pat's Driver's license:
April, 2002: License plates on Pat's car (Mos Eisley) expire.
May, 2002:Pat gets pulled over, three times in one day, by two different cops, for having expired tags
Later May, 2002:Pat goes in to the DMV to re-register car. Since my smog certificate is from a class 2 smog zone (I'm still living in California at this time), and I currently live in a class 1 smog zone (lower standards for emissions), it is invalid, and I must obtain a waiver to prove that I no longer live in a class 2 smog zone. My questions about why, if I meet the more stringent requirements, I must also prove that I meet the less strict requirements, are not answered. I get a 30-day temporary registration, which I stick in the back window.
June, 2002:I am driving to work with the windows down. The temporary permit, held on to the window by two spots of adhesive, blows off and lands in the back seat. I am pulled over once again for having expired tags. I find the temporary permit in the back seat and show it to the policeman, who issues me a "fix-it" ticket for not having the permit properly displayed. He refuses my request to wait two minutes while I stick the permit back up with duct tape so he can sign the waiver showing it's now properly displayed.
August, 2002: I have finally obtained all the smog certificates and proof that the .01% CO that my car emits is not only lower than the .07% permitted in a class 2 smog zone, but is also less than the .15% permitted in a class 1 smog zone. Furnishing said proof to the DMV, I successfully register my car. At this time, I get the DMV clerk to sign the tickets (after a lengthy argument during which I attempt to explain to the clerk that the phrase "must be signed by a police officer or a representative of the DMV" refers to representatives of the DMV as well as police officers.) I send the tickets in. All tickets are on post cards with addresses pre-printed on the back.
January, 2003: I am driving the car up to Portland to give it to a friend, and I get pulled over near Grants Pass, because a tail light is out. Officer Holly Bridges (no relation to the Holly Bridges of women-in-prison porn fame) tells me my license is suspended. I ask her why, but she cannot tell me. I tell her I'm getting rid of the car and this will be the last day I ever drive it. She agrees to let me off with a warning if I promise not to drive it the rest of the way to Portland. Warns that she'll be patrolling the highway all night, and will give me a ticket if I continue driving it. I agree, call friends from Eugene, who come down a get me and the car and drive it back to Eugene for me. The tail light is repaired in Eugene.
February, 2003: I go into the DMV and ask them why my license is expired. After two hours of waiting in various lines, I am finally told that my license is not suspended. But, to get it in writing, I'll have to go through more lines. I'm already an hour late back from lunch, and haven't eaten yet, I don't think another two hours would be good, so I leave. I wrote in my blog at the time "Why do I just knowthat that decision is going to come back to haunt me?". Turns out, I was right.
July, 2003: I have moved back to Oregon. In Eugene, I go in to the DMV to get a driver's license. They tell me I am unable to get one because my license is suspended. OK, now it gets interesting. Over the next several months I learn the following:
OK, so all that was a long, painful process of phone calls, digging for information, following chains of knowledge, and learning how to extract information from DMV clerks (because they are never, but never, willing to tell you anything you need to know unless you specifically ask for it!) (After you ask "what do I need to do to get this?", the next question is "what else do I need to do?" and, after that, "Is there another thing that I would need to do before that?") Anyway, all that brings me, $1100 and a year later, to the present.
Last week, I went back in to the DMV in Eugene. For the first time ever, I actually found a useful clerk. Unfortunately, I can't remember her name. If I did, I would have written to the DMV to praise her competence and efficiency. Probably just as well, cuz such a letter would most likely just get her fired for not fitting in properly.
Met with several obstacles:
1. I do not have a valid Oregon Drivers license. Therefore, I must take the written test again. Now, anyone who has known me for more than a few years has probably heard most of my stories, including the one about the question of the blind man. Since this aspect of my experiences with the DMV has resurfaced so many times, it should be stated thus:
Anyway, I passed the test. And thus my troubles began anew:
So, having finally passed the driver's test, I applied for a license. Part two is proving where I live. Now the papers they hand out specified that, in addition to at least one piece of photo ID, and two pieces of non-photo ID (including, and pretty much limited to, a birth certificate and a social security card). My photo ID is my passport, since I have no idea where my old California driver's license has gone off to. (Did I ever mention that when I got my California license a few years ago, I used the passport there, too, and the clerk wanted to keep it after I got the license, since that's what you do with out of state driver's licenses, and that it took me literally yelling for a manager before one came over so I could argue with him for half an hour before I got my passport back?) Anyway, my proof of ID is sufficient. I also have with me the following proofs of address, which turn out not to be sufficient under regulations that went into effect on June 1st of this year:
Now, why isn't this enough, I finally learned that, only certain mail counts (not everything sent to your address proves that you receive mail at your address). For one, it must be from a government agency (not counting fake ones like Congress), or a utility (not a wireless company), or a financial institution. The other problem is that is must be cancelled mail, with a date stamp. This, of course, is a problem in the 20th century. Almost all government agencies, utilities, and financial institutions use bulk mail. Which doesn't get cancelled. So, very difficult to prove your address to the Oregon DMV anymore. I'm guessing this is a common problem, as the guy before me and the guy after me were both complaining about the exact same thing. The guy behind me actually had a cancelled statement from his bank. Unfortunately, he had opened the envelope, and it had what the DMV considers a very rare thing: the address is printed on the statement, which shows through a window on the envelope, rather than on the envelope itself. This invalidates it as proof of address, as there's no proof that that statement from his bank, with his name and address on it, actually came in that envelope, from his bank. Gah!
Finally, one of the many clerks I spoke to while trying to deal with this came up with a novel solution: since I had previously lived in Oregon, they could pull up my records from 7 years ago, issue the license to that address, then file a change-of-address form with the DMV. Whew.
Reading over the list, I just discovered that a Oregon Vehicle Registration card would also be accepted as proof of address. Since I had just registered my car there a few minutes ago, I could have just given them the card they gave me, had I thought at the time to ask.
Anyway, that taken care of, they prepare to print out my new drivers license. I have to take the driving test unless I can show that I had a valid license from out of state within the last year. I don't have it anymore, but they say the number is sufficient so they can look me up in their computer. So I have to find the number. They can't do a lookup by name. I call the California DMV on my cell phone and of course they're more than happy to give me this information. All I have to do is go into any California DMV office and present photo ID (such as a drivers license) and they'll give it to me. Fortunately, as I was sitting their stewing, one of the encrypted documents on my phone is a list of important numbers. One of which, turns out to be my old drivers license number. Woohoo! So I give them that number, and they tell me my California license is still suspended, so I have to sort that out before I can get an Oregon license.
So, you may ask, after I paid all the fees and filed all the paperwork in California, is my California license still suspended? I asked that, too. I started off calling the California DMV, who told me they never got notice from the court that the fee had been paid. So, I called the court, who told me they never got notice from the collection agency it had been turned over to that the fee had been paid. So, I called the collection agency, and they tell me they'll notify the court in 2-3 days that it has been paid. So I wait a day. No notification. Another day. Nope. Two more days. No notification. I call the collection agency back, and they tell me they're not notifying the court because I still owe $41.20. Why do I owe $41.20? And why the hell didn't they tell me this during the last four phone calls I made??! Well,after speaking to them last year, I sent them a check. Between the time they spoke to me on the phone, and the time they processed the check, interest was applied to the account. As of January, 2004, I owed $15.51. The rest is interest. "$25 interest on $15?" I ask. Well, comes the reply, some of it might be late fees. I can find out exactly what the breakdown is by calling this other number (she tells me twice it's a long distance number, apparently trying to scare me off from calling it. I point out I get free long distance because this is the fucking 21st century and it costs $25/month to have nationwide long distance anymore so you can't scare me off from calling the number. So, she finally relents and gives me the number, which is nothing but a recording giving me an address to which I can send a self-addressed stamped envelope and a question about my account. OK, they got me. So, I call them back to pay the remaining $41.50. Which, if I want to pay it before additional finance charges are applied (and they can't tell me what the finance charges are going to be or when they will be applied), I can pay by credit card. Of course, to do that, I have to call what they refer to as "our credit card processing center", and which turns out to actually be Western Union. Dammit. But, I want my license, so I pay the $41.20 by phone, plus the $10.00 Western Union fee. Western Union gives me a code to prove that I paid it. I call back the collection agency with the code. And THEN.....
Yes, of course there's a fucking THEN. THEN they tell me thanks for paying, now we'll notify the court that it has been paid as soon as I pay the $7.00 notification fee. I laugh appreciatively, thinking wow, I actually found someone in the bureaucracy with a sense of humor. Nope. They're actually serious. I ask why they didn't tell me this earlier. "That's the way the system works, sir." It's amazing how much condescension you can put into the word "sir" if you really try. OK, so do I have to call western union back to make another transfer. Oh, no. The $7.00 fee can only be paid by mail. With a cashier's check.
By mail.
With a cashiers check.
I shit you not.
They really said that.
And, this is my favorite part. I have to include a self addressed stamped envelope and a note explaining the case, what the fee is for, and the "appropriate numbers". Which numbers are the appropriate ones? "Well, I imagine that would be the account number or the payment number. And your drivers license number might be good to include" She imagines it might be one of the dozen-odd numbers. IMAGINES??! What the fuck am I paying this for if you don't even know what it's for? And how the HELL can the company demanding the payment not know what the payment is for, or what information needs to be included for it to be processed? And, if didn't include the exact information they need to process it? Well, in that case, they'll use the SASE to reply to me within 12-21 business days.
This. Is. Very. Very. Fucked. Up. They won't tell me what they need. They charge me extra for notifying the court. They make me wait up to a month (maybe, she actually wouldn't give me an actual estimate, but said, and this is an almost exact quote "If I had to guess, I'd say around 12 to 21 business days." I can see why they only do business over telephone and mail.
So, I'm calling the court tomorrow and see if there's a way they can force the collection agency to notify them of the payment. And, if they can, then all I need to do after that is to call another part of the court to tell them to send the updated records to the DMV, then call the California DMV to tell them to upload to the national database, then call the Oregon DMV to download the records from the national database, then wait 1-2 days, call back to check if they've done it yet or not, then go into the DMV (carrying all the aforementioned paperwork) and write them a check for $140 ($65.00 fee for the driver's license plus $75.00 reinstatement fee for having it be suspended due to Holly Bridges, the crooked cop.) and THEN, assuming nothing else goes wrong, I will have a valid Oregon driver's license.
By which time, I imagine, I'll have moved to Missouri.
That would be me.
For those of you following my neverending quest to get a driver's license (I think I might give up and go find the Holy Grail instead, it's gotta be easier than this, and you don't have to deal with so many goddamn fuckheads!), a brief summary:
Timeline of Pat's Driver's license:
April, 2002: License plates on Pat's car (Mos Eisley) expire.
May, 2002:Pat gets pulled over, three times in one day, by two different cops, for having expired tags
Later May, 2002:Pat goes in to the DMV to re-register car. Since my smog certificate is from a class 2 smog zone (I'm still living in California at this time), and I currently live in a class 1 smog zone (lower standards for emissions), it is invalid, and I must obtain a waiver to prove that I no longer live in a class 2 smog zone. My questions about why, if I meet the more stringent requirements, I must also prove that I meet the less strict requirements, are not answered. I get a 30-day temporary registration, which I stick in the back window.
June, 2002:I am driving to work with the windows down. The temporary permit, held on to the window by two spots of adhesive, blows off and lands in the back seat. I am pulled over once again for having expired tags. I find the temporary permit in the back seat and show it to the policeman, who issues me a "fix-it" ticket for not having the permit properly displayed. He refuses my request to wait two minutes while I stick the permit back up with duct tape so he can sign the waiver showing it's now properly displayed.
August, 2002: I have finally obtained all the smog certificates and proof that the .01% CO that my car emits is not only lower than the .07% permitted in a class 2 smog zone, but is also less than the .15% permitted in a class 1 smog zone. Furnishing said proof to the DMV, I successfully register my car. At this time, I get the DMV clerk to sign the tickets (after a lengthy argument during which I attempt to explain to the clerk that the phrase "must be signed by a police officer or a representative of the DMV" refers to representatives of the DMV as well as police officers.) I send the tickets in. All tickets are on post cards with addresses pre-printed on the back.
January, 2003: I am driving the car up to Portland to give it to a friend, and I get pulled over near Grants Pass, because a tail light is out. Officer Holly Bridges (no relation to the Holly Bridges of women-in-prison porn fame) tells me my license is suspended. I ask her why, but she cannot tell me. I tell her I'm getting rid of the car and this will be the last day I ever drive it. She agrees to let me off with a warning if I promise not to drive it the rest of the way to Portland. Warns that she'll be patrolling the highway all night, and will give me a ticket if I continue driving it. I agree, call friends from Eugene, who come down a get me and the car and drive it back to Eugene for me. The tail light is repaired in Eugene.
February, 2003: I go into the DMV and ask them why my license is expired. After two hours of waiting in various lines, I am finally told that my license is not suspended. But, to get it in writing, I'll have to go through more lines. I'm already an hour late back from lunch, and haven't eaten yet, I don't think another two hours would be good, so I leave. I wrote in my blog at the time "Why do I just knowthat that decision is going to come back to haunt me?". Turns out, I was right.
July, 2003: I have moved back to Oregon. In Eugene, I go in to the DMV to get a driver's license. They tell me I am unable to get one because my license is suspended. OK, now it gets interesting. Over the next several months I learn the following:
1. My "driving privileges" in Oregon are suspended because I never paid the ticket I got in February for driving with a suspended license.
2. My license in California really was suspended. Turns out one of the 4 postcards I sent in (see above) showing my legally-registered status was supposed to have a $10 check included. Don't ask me how to include a check with a postcard, I guess they expect you to stick it in an envelope. According to the clerk at the Court House, a lot of people don't notice the fine print at the bottom that says to include $10.00. The other three nearly-identical tickets were from different counties and didn't include this provision. (as far as I know at this point. Oh, shit, what if I'm going to have to repeat this entire process three more times? Fuck.) Since I didn't include the $10, and since I changed only the address on my drivers license, not the address my former car was registered to when I moved, they were unable to reach me to tell me about the court date they set for me, then fined me $90 for missing. (I would also like to take this moment to point out that, while I also filed a change of address with the post office, the DMV specifically directs the post office to NOT forward mail from them to changed addresses. Anyone can do this, by simply writing "do not forward" on the envelope, but only a complete and utter fuckhead would do it. Hence, only the DMV and the IRS generally do so.
3. Officer Holly Bridges, Grants Pass' answer to Lynndie England, actually issued me a citation, while telling me she wasn't going to do so. My driving privileges in Oregon depend on her telling the truth. She declines to do so. When I subpoena the original citation, she tells the judge that I refused to sign, thus explaining the lack of my signature on the citation. In rural Oregon, the judge is likely to be the brother-cousin-niece (and not in the choose-one sense) of the cop, and it can be dangerous for an out-of-towner like myself to question the word of a police officer in front of him, so I pay the $380 they're now asking for.
4. The original ticket that started all this is now up to $50. The failure-to-appear is up to $270, and late fees and interest bring the whole shebang up to $438.00. With words that are too fucking obscene to print, I pay it. On the "for" line of the check, I contemplate writing "Incompetence or fraud, I'm not sure which," but I don't, as I was hoping they wouldn't find additional nasty stuff to do to me.
OK, so all that was a long, painful process of phone calls, digging for information, following chains of knowledge, and learning how to extract information from DMV clerks (because they are never, but never, willing to tell you anything you need to know unless you specifically ask for it!) (After you ask "what do I need to do to get this?", the next question is "what else do I need to do?" and, after that, "Is there another thing that I would need to do before that?") Anyway, all that brings me, $1100 and a year later, to the present.
Last week, I went back in to the DMV in Eugene. For the first time ever, I actually found a useful clerk. Unfortunately, I can't remember her name. If I did, I would have written to the DMV to praise her competence and efficiency. Probably just as well, cuz such a letter would most likely just get her fired for not fitting in properly.
Met with several obstacles:
1. I do not have a valid Oregon Drivers license. Therefore, I must take the written test again. Now, anyone who has known me for more than a few years has probably heard most of my stories, including the one about the question of the blind man. Since this aspect of my experiences with the DMV has resurfaced so many times, it should be stated thus:
The Question Of The Blind Man
Back in the dark ages, when DMV written test was done with pen and paper, there was a question on the test pertaining to a blind man who wants to cross the road. The textual description, and the picture, both agree that the man has not yet entered the road. He is standing on the sidewalk of a four-way intersection (with two lanes going each way). In his left hand he is holding his guard dog's harness, and in his right hand he is holding a white cane. (This is, apparently, a very cautious blind man). You are approaching the intersection. Your light is green. The question is, what do you do? I say, you continue going. My reasoning (which, at the age of 16, I argued in detail to the DMV when they told me I was wrong) was that, he isn't watching the lights, so it doesn't really matter what color they are. (This was back before the lights at major intersections made chirping noises to tell you which one was on). He's going to be listening for the traffic. If I stop, he will enter the road, and most likely be hit by a car in one of the other three lanes he'll have to cross. The correct answer, of course, is that you should stop and let him cross.
When I was 25, and moved back to Oregon again, I had to take the test again then. The exact same question was one it. Only this time, the picture was on a slideshow-viewer-thingy. I sat for a moment, wondering if, during the intervening nine years, they had fixed the question and updated the test. I guessed they had not, and I was correct.
So, last week, when I took the test again, I sat down at the test station (now a computer touch-screen with instant feedback on your answers). I wondered if I would see the question again. I didn't have to wait long. The very first question was the blind guy again. The text was identical (stating that he was preparing to enter the crosswalk), however the picture had changed. Gone were the lights, it was now a four-way unlighted intersection, with only one lane in each direction. Gone was the dog, as well (Probably got killed crossing the last intersection when he thought he had the light). And, in this picture, in direct contradiction to the text, the man is clearly already in the intersection. At which point, the correct answer (if you pay attention only to the picture and don't read the text too carefully) is, obviously, to stop and let him pass. So, finally, after 21 years, the question is almost right.
Anyway, I passed the test. And thus my troubles began anew:
So, having finally passed the driver's test, I applied for a license. Part two is proving where I live. Now the papers they hand out specified that, in addition to at least one piece of photo ID, and two pieces of non-photo ID (including, and pretty much limited to, a birth certificate and a social security card). My photo ID is my passport, since I have no idea where my old California driver's license has gone off to. (Did I ever mention that when I got my California license a few years ago, I used the passport there, too, and the clerk wanted to keep it after I got the license, since that's what you do with out of state driver's licenses, and that it took me literally yelling for a manager before one came over so I could argue with him for half an hour before I got my passport back?) Anyway, my proof of ID is sufficient. I also have with me the following proofs of address, which turn out not to be sufficient under regulations that went into effect on June 1st of this year:
1. A checkbook, with my current address printed on the checks.
2. A letter from my congressional representative. On this one, I failed to persuade the DMV that the U.S. Congress should be counted as a "government agency"
3. A note from my mother. (I thought that one would be a nice touch).
4. An unopened bill from Wired magazine, showing address and date through the window.
5. My Verizon Wireless bill. And again I failed in my attempt to persuade anyone that Verizon should be counted as "a utility".
6. A recent check from Charles Schwab, showing a date and my complete address printed on it.
7. My Voter Registration Card, with my name and address printed on it.
Now, why isn't this enough, I finally learned that, only certain mail counts (not everything sent to your address proves that you receive mail at your address). For one, it must be from a government agency (not counting fake ones like Congress), or a utility (not a wireless company), or a financial institution. The other problem is that is must be cancelled mail, with a date stamp. This, of course, is a problem in the 20th century. Almost all government agencies, utilities, and financial institutions use bulk mail. Which doesn't get cancelled. So, very difficult to prove your address to the Oregon DMV anymore. I'm guessing this is a common problem, as the guy before me and the guy after me were both complaining about the exact same thing. The guy behind me actually had a cancelled statement from his bank. Unfortunately, he had opened the envelope, and it had what the DMV considers a very rare thing: the address is printed on the statement, which shows through a window on the envelope, rather than on the envelope itself. This invalidates it as proof of address, as there's no proof that that statement from his bank, with his name and address on it, actually came in that envelope, from his bank. Gah!
Finally, one of the many clerks I spoke to while trying to deal with this came up with a novel solution: since I had previously lived in Oregon, they could pull up my records from 7 years ago, issue the license to that address, then file a change-of-address form with the DMV. Whew.
Reading over the list, I just discovered that a Oregon Vehicle Registration card would also be accepted as proof of address. Since I had just registered my car there a few minutes ago, I could have just given them the card they gave me, had I thought at the time to ask.
Anyway, that taken care of, they prepare to print out my new drivers license. I have to take the driving test unless I can show that I had a valid license from out of state within the last year. I don't have it anymore, but they say the number is sufficient so they can look me up in their computer. So I have to find the number. They can't do a lookup by name. I call the California DMV on my cell phone and of course they're more than happy to give me this information. All I have to do is go into any California DMV office and present photo ID (such as a drivers license) and they'll give it to me. Fortunately, as I was sitting their stewing, one of the encrypted documents on my phone is a list of important numbers. One of which, turns out to be my old drivers license number. Woohoo! So I give them that number, and they tell me my California license is still suspended, so I have to sort that out before I can get an Oregon license.
So, you may ask, after I paid all the fees and filed all the paperwork in California, is my California license still suspended? I asked that, too. I started off calling the California DMV, who told me they never got notice from the court that the fee had been paid. So, I called the court, who told me they never got notice from the collection agency it had been turned over to that the fee had been paid. So, I called the collection agency, and they tell me they'll notify the court in 2-3 days that it has been paid. So I wait a day. No notification. Another day. Nope. Two more days. No notification. I call the collection agency back, and they tell me they're not notifying the court because I still owe $41.20. Why do I owe $41.20? And why the hell didn't they tell me this during the last four phone calls I made??! Well,after speaking to them last year, I sent them a check. Between the time they spoke to me on the phone, and the time they processed the check, interest was applied to the account. As of January, 2004, I owed $15.51. The rest is interest. "$25 interest on $15?" I ask. Well, comes the reply, some of it might be late fees. I can find out exactly what the breakdown is by calling this other number (she tells me twice it's a long distance number, apparently trying to scare me off from calling it. I point out I get free long distance because this is the fucking 21st century and it costs $25/month to have nationwide long distance anymore so you can't scare me off from calling the number. So, she finally relents and gives me the number, which is nothing but a recording giving me an address to which I can send a self-addressed stamped envelope and a question about my account. OK, they got me. So, I call them back to pay the remaining $41.50. Which, if I want to pay it before additional finance charges are applied (and they can't tell me what the finance charges are going to be or when they will be applied), I can pay by credit card. Of course, to do that, I have to call what they refer to as "our credit card processing center", and which turns out to actually be Western Union. Dammit. But, I want my license, so I pay the $41.20 by phone, plus the $10.00 Western Union fee. Western Union gives me a code to prove that I paid it. I call back the collection agency with the code. And THEN.....
Yes, of course there's a fucking THEN. THEN they tell me thanks for paying, now we'll notify the court that it has been paid as soon as I pay the $7.00 notification fee. I laugh appreciatively, thinking wow, I actually found someone in the bureaucracy with a sense of humor. Nope. They're actually serious. I ask why they didn't tell me this earlier. "That's the way the system works, sir." It's amazing how much condescension you can put into the word "sir" if you really try. OK, so do I have to call western union back to make another transfer. Oh, no. The $7.00 fee can only be paid by mail. With a cashier's check.
By mail.
With a cashiers check.
I shit you not.
They really said that.
And, this is my favorite part. I have to include a self addressed stamped envelope and a note explaining the case, what the fee is for, and the "appropriate numbers". Which numbers are the appropriate ones? "Well, I imagine that would be the account number or the payment number. And your drivers license number might be good to include" She imagines it might be one of the dozen-odd numbers. IMAGINES??! What the fuck am I paying this for if you don't even know what it's for? And how the HELL can the company demanding the payment not know what the payment is for, or what information needs to be included for it to be processed? And, if didn't include the exact information they need to process it? Well, in that case, they'll use the SASE to reply to me within 12-21 business days.
This. Is. Very. Very. Fucked. Up. They won't tell me what they need. They charge me extra for notifying the court. They make me wait up to a month (maybe, she actually wouldn't give me an actual estimate, but said, and this is an almost exact quote "If I had to guess, I'd say around 12 to 21 business days." I can see why they only do business over telephone and mail.
So, I'm calling the court tomorrow and see if there's a way they can force the collection agency to notify them of the payment. And, if they can, then all I need to do after that is to call another part of the court to tell them to send the updated records to the DMV, then call the California DMV to tell them to upload to the national database, then call the Oregon DMV to download the records from the national database, then wait 1-2 days, call back to check if they've done it yet or not, then go into the DMV (carrying all the aforementioned paperwork) and write them a check for $140 ($65.00 fee for the driver's license plus $75.00 reinstatement fee for having it be suspended due to Holly Bridges, the crooked cop.) and THEN, assuming nothing else goes wrong, I will have a valid Oregon driver's license.
By which time, I imagine, I'll have moved to Missouri.